Bellieflops
Welcome to the Bellieflops page. Bellieflops are popular diets
and weight loss methods that don't measure up to Beerbellie
standards. In other words, it has to be lifelong to be credible.
Here is our current list and a brief analysis :

The Grapefruit Diet - Yeah, right. You're going to eat nothing
but grapefruit, eggs, and lettuce for the rest of your life. Your
stools will be as loose as the federal governments
environmental standards.
Nighttime Weight loss Solution - A dream that will not come
true. Comparable to putting a book under your pillow the night
before a test. As useful as an empty keg on a hot summer day.
Diet Arm Patch - You'll become branded. People will think you
have motion sickness, are using birth control, or that you are
trying to quite smoking. Or all three. Ever try giving birth, putting
out your cigarette, and throwing up in the backseat of
someones car at the same time. If you could do all that, then
you can lose weight with the diet arm patch.
Hypnosis - You'll be put in a trance and told to cluck like a
chicken when you see pizza instead of eating it. For $150.00 an
office visit, you will be told to eat green beans instead of potato
chips. We just told you for nothing. Good luck.
Slim Fast - This program is great. You get 2 tasty shakes and
food bars everyday instead of whole foods. The company wants
you to be a big loser. That won't be difficult. Anyone who thinks
they will maintain a lifelong diet of these products will certainly
be a big loser....in the weight loss battle.
Doing Atkins - What does "doing Atkins" mean? Is that
somebody's daughter? Anyway, this diet severely reduces
carbohydrates and claims they are the cause of all your weight
gain. White rice is considered to be an evil carbohydrate. How
many obese Asian people do you notice? This diet eliminates
calories from carbohydrates and causes vitamin, mineral, and
fiber deficiencies. There are no long term studies on the effects
on the heart of the higher fat amounts consumed. Many people
can not sustain this type of eating for life. This diet is as good
as backwash.
South Beach Diet - This diet promises quick weight loss in the
beginning and then 1 to 2 pounds a week after the initial phase.
It is expensive to follow and has a lot of foo-fooish things in its
plan. Strawberries dipped in chocolate? Mahi Mahi? Arugula
Salad? Who has the time for all this? Or the money? Maybe the
author has spent too much time in the sun.
Carbohydrate Blockers - These are supplements that claim to
block the absorption of carbohydrates. The result is quick
weight loss with no calorie restriction or exercise. And we can
insert a tap in our rear-end and pump out a premium ale.
Stomach Staple Surgery - Let's see if we get this. You will
have an operation where part of your stomach is removed or
stapled away so you can't hold as much food and you will be full
after eating very little. If you think this sounds like a good
solution, then we recommend that you go ask the 1% of the
people who have died as a result of the surgery what they
thought.
Liposuction - Some highly educated person who spent years in
medical school and endless nights studying to become a doctor
will jam rods in you where fat is located. This doctor, who
originally entered medicine for the opportunity to save lives and
fight illnesses, will then turn the vacuum on and suck the fat
right out of your body. OUCH !!! We hope these doctors are
feeling the same sense of satisfaction with their careers that a
emergency room physician does.
Fat Burners - "Guaranteed"  to melt the pounds away. Some of
these things have a pot of coffee worth of caffeine in them. Sure
they can work. Your heart will be jumping out of your chest and
you'll burn a ton of calories chasing it. Fat burners can be
somewhat effective and may work great until your body builds
up a resistance to them. Then what will you do? Start
disciplining yourself to eat lower calorie foods and exercise to
burn off fat reserves? Silly us.
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